The flowers died on Sunday, appropriate, considering I am taking out the compost tonight. Even more appropriate because death is coming for me tomorrow, at least that’s what Mystic Meridith, my astrologist implied. She told me, “I will experience a surprising challenge early in the week.” I assume death. It’s my go to catastrophe. 

I have an obsession with passing away to put it politely, not with anyone else’s, just my own. I don’t want to be surprised, you know? I want to be ready, have the clean underwear, the freshly flossed teeth.  I want to be as little extra work for the undertaker as possible. Funny word, undertaker… where exactly are you taking me, sir? Under, huh? Under where? My grandkids would laugh at that. I’m so immature for someone who turned 60. See, there you have it, I’m 60 and therefore I feel I am entitled to speculate that death is very close to me. 

Now, I hope you aren’t offended by my musings and report me to the internet police for ageism. It’s just that ever since a wayward rock slammed into the middle of the forehead as a child, I adopted the boy scout motto, ‘Always be Prepared. I assume it’s okay to steal the boy scout motto even though I’m a girl, because you know, if people can be cats and use a litter box, I should be able to borrow the boy scout motto for my female funeral planning. 

Logically, I could die early this week, Mystic Meridith did predict a surprising challenge, plus, I am 60 and on the shorter slide into the afterlife of this weird and serious and sometimes hilariously fun playground called life. I MUST be prepared. Therefore, today in an effort to be organized, I will send out the save the date to my funeral notifications for family and friends, and while I am at it, I’ll order the wine. I have heard, Naked on Roller Skates, produced by Some Young Punks, is a lovely Shiraz & Mataro blend which captures brooding aromas of licorice and cocoa (my favorite treats). But first just in case death comes early, I will floss my teeth, change my underwear and take the flowers out to the compost.