Author: debbyproulx

Say I Love You

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It was July 29/21 and I was doing it. I could nearly hear my dead mother gasp with shock, I could almost see my dead father giving me the head-shake of disapproval, and I was convinced I heard my husband cuss me out with worry, as I stepped on the brake to offer a ride to a stranger on the road of life.

A week ago, I wouldn’t have dared grant a lift to a scruffy looking man without having another person with me for added protection. I’m not a total country hick. I’ve seen the news reports and read the horror stories of well-meaning people picking up strangers and having things go dark and dastardly. I’m quite aware of how easily a stranger could overpower me, strangle me or stab me and then kick me down into a steep ditch. I even admit to being aware that the stranger could have driven away with my weeks’ worth of groceries and my daughter’s groceries too, leaving my family hungry. But honestly, at that point, none of those considerations mattered, the only thing that mattered was that I had been given a distinctive sign from above to offer this man a ride. 

To be clear, there was no flashing neon lettering hanging over the gaunt man’s head instructing me to give him a lift. It was subtle, much more subtle, and in all fairness, the only reason I had noticed at all was due to my newfound meditation practice. For those in doubt, I wrote meditation, not medication. This practice tends to enhance one’s attention on life’s details in a way that is nearly magical. For myself, meditation gave me cause to open my heart to a scruffy stranger and as a result I was granted the wondrous gift of knowing we are all connected no matter our status in life. 

Leaving the farmyard that morning, I had a smile on my face and elevated emotions in my soul and there was no reason for either. It was an overcast day, and I was merely going to town for groceries. As I turned off the gravel road and onto the highway I met another vehicle travelling in the opposite direction. Instantly, my thoughts drifted to the people in the other vehicle and I wondered about their lives. Not knowing a thing about them, I simply smiled at the black, shiny truck now in my rear-view mirror and said, “Good morning! I love you!” 

I blushed a bit at my silliness. People would think I had lost it, never mind meditation, they would have thought I was on too much medication. But my current practice of mindfulness had taught me that my feelings are an important guidance system, so instead of judging myself, I considered how I felt: My heart was lifted with joy. Everyone could use a little more love I decided with a nod, and I certainly wasn’t hurting anyone, so continued to say I love you to every vehicle I met along the way. 

Before I knew it, birds were soaring alongside my vehicle and daringly darting in and out in front of me, never seeming to be in any danger. It was as though they approved of my sentiments. I looked up. Clouds shifted aside and the suns rays fingered downwards displaying a kaleidoscope of colours shimmering with light. Magnificent. My heart blossomed hot pink. Feeling encouraged by natures response to my proclamations of love, I playfully began to singsong, “I love you,” instead of simply saying it.

Fifteen minutes later, I noticed the stranger up ahead on the side of the road, he wasn’t hitchhiking exactly, he was walking in the same direction as I was driving but in the opposite lane facing the oncoming traffic. I glanced at him as I passed and said, “I love you!” in an upbeat voice. My enthusiasm completely contrary to his demeanour. As I studied him in my rear-view mirror, I took my foot off the gas. My inner voice was suggesting I stop and offer him a ride. At that thought, my fears puffed up inside of me, a black balloon of programmed negativity expanding into every nook and cranny of my being. In an instant I recalled dire news stories, and many loved one’s warnings instructing me to never pick up a stranger. Those thoughts instantly deflated my good feeling vibe.

I stepped on the gas driving away from the stranger and wrestled with the morality of my decision. I gripped my steering wheel much harder than necessary. Maybe I should have stopped for him? After all, he was a person in need, my inner voice wanted me to pick him up. Guilt. A heavy self condemning dislike for myself stuck me with sharp barbs. All the sudden, a bird smacked into the front-end passenger side of my car with a loud thwack, and then 30 seconds later I hit my breaks to avoid killing another dodgy bird. See? I thought, even the birds are telling me I should have stopped for the man. 

And then I felt ashamed. “What’s wrong with me?” I fumed, voicing my anger aloud. “Why am I so afraid of everything? We are the same, the stranger and I. We are all just people trying to find our way in this crazy fucking world.” My chest tightened; heavy with regret, with sadness. My decision had been wrong. I acted out of fear instead of love. I snorted at myself. What a hypocrite I am, I thought. Here I was shouting, “I love you,” to everyone, but without action they are empty words.

Coward. I though. My heart nearly winced at the abuse. Tears welled up spilling over, and then my inner guidance spoke to me, “By judging yourself you are in a sense disrespecting the stranger too; condemnation without offering space for forgiveness blocks all healing… we are all connected by the living threads of energy. He is you and you are him.”

Tiny streams of wetness ran down my cheeks and I was urged to place a hand on my heart and whisper, “I love you and I forgive you for being afraid.” And then I did not block the rest of my tears with my usual wall of hard self-judgement. Instead, I offered myself compassion. In that moment, I decided if I saw the stranger again I would stop and offer him a ride. 

The grocery pick-up was quick and easy and before I knew it I did see the man again. He was still travelling alongside the road. I wish I could say I felt courageous but I didn’t, I felt the shaking hands of nervousness strumming my tethered line of fear. Sitting up taller and grasping at elusive threads of courage, I roped my emotions and turned into an approach a few hundred feet ahead of the somber trudging figure. Another human being that was down on his luck. Instantly, I wanted to give him something, my grandma’s standard fix for everything was food. So, I turned around and rifled through my grocery bags until I came up with a vibrant red apple. I set the fruit in my cup holder and looked up. He was closer now, shambling towards the car, his face hollowed and drawn, a bulging pack on his back. It looked like everything he owned was in that bag. He was so thin. My throat tightened with emotion, I wanted to help him with more than just an apple. What road in life had brought him to this point? 

I snatched up my purse and grabbed my wallet hoping I had stashed some cash for a rainy day. I almost never carried cash. Today, there was a fifty and a ten. My desire to help swiftly wrestled my tight-fisted Scottish genetics into submission and I grabbed the fifty from my wallet sticking it under my leg for easy access. My Scottish bloodline kept the ten.

The man approached my driver’s window at a weary pace, rumpled and shaggy, looking as wary as I felt. I rolled down my window to greet him, and as he stepped closer my planned words were obliterated by my horror. His feet were bare. “Oh my God, you have no shoes!” I said with far more forcefulness than I intended. 

He bent his head and studied his feet momentarily, almost sheepishly. Then, he sighed and met my eyes gesturing with a limp hand towards the lumpy knapsack on his back where his shoes dangled like an oversized car mirror decoration. “I got soaked this morning when the rainstorms came through,” he said, his voice rusted from lack of use. “My feet were getting rubbed raw, so I was letting them dry.” Weariness lined the edges of his dull blue eyes and blondish stubble roughened his face; thick straw-coloured hair stuck out from under the edges of a black ball-cap. His frayed tan shorts and faded t-shirt hung on him; a scarecrow left to be weathered and worn. 

“Where are you headed?” I said, still feeling slightly nervous despite his harmless appearance. Fear porn news stories still rolling in the back of my mind. 

“I’m going to Plamondon,” he said, a touch of hope sounded in his words. “I have a line on a job.” The stranger reached up with one hand, fingertips brushing the peak of his ball cap and then sliding back alongside his hair smoothing it down.  

Plamondon was behind me and a little off my trail, but it would only be an extra twenty minutes. “Do you want a ride?” I asked, feeling lighter as I spoke the words. Love and kindness winning. 

“Yeah, that would be great.” His cloudy eyes brightening suddenly; a flash of brilliant blue. 

As he walked around the back end of my car, I tossed my coat and purse into the back to give him room to sit in the passengers seat. 

The back passenger door swung opened, and he held his backpack in his hand looking for a spot to put his possessions. I awkwardly moved a grocery bag out of the way feeling a crushing sense of guilt at the amount of food in the car. “It was my grocery day,” I said, blurting it out, wanting to explain. “I shop once a week online and since I am at the store anyway, I pick up my daughter’s grocery order too.” I laughed, a stuttering laugh and then offered the stranger an excessive grin. “It saves two vehicles going… you know, the extra gas.”

He nodded politely, and set his gear inside and closed the door.

I turned back to the front and then remembered a container of delicate Hey Clay sculptures I had sitting on the floor in front of the passengers seat, they were my granddaughters creations. The door opened just as I lifted the treasures from the floor. The man slid into his seat and clicked his seatbelt into place, appearing completely innocent. The fact he had put his knapsack in the back had made me feel much safer. 

I held the container out towards him like a peace-offering. “Would you mind holding these? They are my granddaughters—they were broken by her cousin—adorable sweet boy, but rough— and my husband has fixed them so I was returning them to my granddaughter today.” I was rambling, but he didn’t seem to take any notice. 

He just nodded and offered the slightest grin. 

I swallowed hard, put the car in gear and turned onto the highway back the way I had come. The stranger studied the carefully crafted blue dragon with interest. “These are pretty good,” he said, his tone honest.

I glanced over and smiled at his appreciation of the amateur art. “The sculpting material is called Hey Clay, it’s much better than the Play-Doh we used to have when we were kids, and it air dries really well too.”

His features suddenly softened and he appeared much younger.

“Well, you probably played withPlay-Doh when you were young,” I said, trying to make a connection with his past.

He nodded enthusiastically, childlike. “Yeah, I used Play-Doh all the time.” His scruffy face flinched then, as though the good memory hurt and he set the dragon back in the box with a light sigh.

Again, I wondered of his story, he seemed so wounded, his obvious pain triggered my desire to help even further. I remembered the apple and motioned to the fruit in the cup holder. “Oh yeah, I was wondering if you wanted an apple, I thought you might want a snack or something after walking this morning?” Ugh, I silently groaned at my words. Talk about minimizing; like he had gone for a pleasing stroll along the edge of the road to listen to the birds, instead of an agonizing walk in wet sneakers that rubbed his heels raw forcing him onto the pavement barefoot.

He reached down and lifted the apple with thin spidery fingers. “Thank you, I am kind of hungry.” He held it tightly in his hand, fist pressed against his stomach.

People have called me an empath, and maybe I am, I have always been sensitive, and this human being beside me leaked a type of suffering that I had rarely been around. The underlying pain and hurt inside of him was soul crushing. In that moment I just wanted him to know that he meant something. He was something. He was a living creation of a holy energy and that something was looking out for him in this world, whether we call it the Creator, or God or Source or Allah or whatever. This man needed to know he was looked after. So, in my authentic and unceremonious way, I said, “I was supposed to pick you up today.” I glanced at him brightly, earnestly… not crazily.

He met my gaze, eyes curious. “Yeah?”

“I mean, I was supposed to pick you up when I first saw you on my way into town, but—” I bit my lip and I frowned at my former actions. “—You know.”

He knew.

“I let my fear stop me the first time,” I explained glancing at him earnestly. He dropped his eyes, clearly uncomfortable but I continued on, “And then by the time I reconsidered you were too far back. So then, I don’t know— the Universe, or God, or the Creator, or whatever you may believe, gave me the idea to stop and see if you needed a ride if I saw you on my way home.”

“Hmph,” he said, an acknowledgment but a dismissal as well.

I laughed. It was a genuine laugh. “I know. It sounds crazy, absolutely bonkers, but it’s true. You don’t have to believe me.” And he didn’t. But I felt at peace.

He scratched his temple. “No. That’s cool, I appreciate the ride.”

“Happy to do it,” I said, “What’s your name?”

“Mitchell.”

My body, my brain, my very soul expanded with light. “Shut up!” I said, my filled with awe, bubbling over, my eyes wide. I’m nearly giggling as I explain, “My maiden name is Mitchell and my sister named her only son Mitchell. Isn’t that crazy?”

He patted his knee, unsure, and then nodded, his head a child’s rocking horse bobbing at an even tempo. “Yeah,” he said, his tone wondering. “Mitchell, isn’t a common name around here.”

I wanted to offer him more. “My nephew Mitchell is really clever.”

He bobbed again. “I used to be smart too,” he said, voice sad, regretful, beaten.

“I’m sure, you are still very smart.”

“I don’t know,” he said.

“You should give yourself more credit.” I said, in the tone of a bossy older sister, “Obviously the Universe believes in you, I wasn’t planning on picking anyone up today.”

He smiled and his eyes contemplated my words.

I slowed the vehicle as we drove into the small community of Plamondon. “Where do you want to be dropped off?”

He sat up taller looking ahead and pointing. “At the co-op gas station. Maybe I can get a coffee,” he said, sounding hopeful, “I could really use one.”

As soon as I rolled to a stop, I pulled the fifty dollar bill out from under my leg and thrust it towards Mitchell. “Here,”

Wide-eyed, he accepted the bill with a shaking hand, and then his brow creased as though he couldn’t quite believe his eyes. “Really?”

“Yeah really,” I nodded eagerly. “The Universe wants good things for you. You deserve good things.”

His voice trembled. “Well, thank you.” Appreciation shone on his face. “You have no idea how much I needed this.” And then he snorted happily. “Now, I really can get that cup of coffee.”

My heart sank. He really didn’t have anything. I watched Mitchell, hop out of my car taking tender steps on the rough ground as he retrieved his bag from the backseat. “Thanks again,” he said.

“Anytime,” I said “It was nice to meet you, Mitchell. Good luck on your job.”

The story doesn’t end there. There was one more gift in store for me.

On my way to my daughters to drop off her groceries, I picked up her mail. She had some parcels. At her house, after her groceries were put away she made me a coffee and then she began to open up her packages. As she sliced open the boxes, I started retelling the story of my day: of my spontaneous proclamations of love to everyone I met; how I wrestled with myself about picking up a stranger walking on the side of the road; and how the strangers first name was Mitchell like my maiden name. I told her how I cried when I had first refused to pick him up and that when I heard his name was Mitchell it was a clear sign that love is the thread that connects us all.

My daughter, Megan, had followed the story up to that point nodding here and there, and then suddenly when she opened her final package exposing some gorgeous plumes of pampas grass, she squealed with shock. “Oh my God! Mom, this is crazy!”

“What? What?” I said, nearly dumping my coffee in my lap. 

She thrust a piece of plastic with writing on it at me with one hand and held her other hand to her throat, tears forming in her eyes. “Look! Look at this!”

I took the floppy plastic from her, bold lettering leaped out at me.  SAY “I LOVE YOU”  

Blessed. I felt blessed. And then I read the whole thing from top to bottom and felt even more blessed. Today, was my wedding anniversary.

Ushered Into the Program

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Ushered Into the Program

Imagine this scene multiplied a million times over.

Are we being deliberately limited by what we hear and see through the mesmerizing transmissions on our TV?

Imagine this scene repeated endlessly.

Are we the ones choosing the planning of our time or are we led down a path of someone else’s design?

Imagine this tool being used trillions of times a day.

Do we control it? Or does it control us? Do the apps within its programs feed your need for approval one day and then smash your ego into smithereens the next? Does this device empower your sense of accomplishment?

I am not against technology. Technology optimizes the workplace and is invaluable in staying connected with family and friends. That said, I have to ask, do you think technology can be a substitute for the active experience of spending time with flesh and blood people? Do you think it can take the place of the heat of a tender embrace? Or the sultry sweet scent of flowers after a rain? Or a walk along a beach with a loved one serenaded by the roaring of waves crashing down upon the shore? Or the snorting laughter shared during an outing with old friends?

Pause, close your eyes and remember the last honest experience you had with another person, remember the energy. Feel the realness.

Now, just imagine, dear ones, what could we accomplish if we all cherished our flawed yet marvellous humanity and we began to use our precious time for appreciating and creating with other people instead of tuning into the program. What kind of possibilities would open up if we envisioned the world as a healing circle of compassion and then day by day, interaction by interaction we focused on lifting up instead of tearing down. What do you think would transpire if we had a world threaded together by connected hearts instead of connected wifi?

Your Destiny

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Greetings, lovely people. So honoured you have chosen to read my blog today. Now, I’m not here to lecture you on this fine morning like some stogy old professor with yellow teeth and smoky breath. I’m simply here to tell you how much I appreciate your amazingness and uniqueness. I know, you’re probably rolling your eyes and clutching your wallet protectively, thinking, “How can she say that? Is she trying to scam me? She doesn’t even know me?” True. I don’t know you. However, as an old unstogy non-professor I can still infer certain truths from my own life experience. I can claim quite confidently that you are a complex individual coming from a multifarious past of quintessential experiences which has uniquely crafted you into the life you are currently living. You, my friend, are one of a kind.

And in this fine fresh month of January, I am here to remind you that your innate capabilities are limitless. Billions of people are blessed to live on this wondrous planet. Think of it. Billions! And out of those billions no one else has your fingerprints or your energetic frequency. As a rarity, you do not need to fit into anyone else’s idea of how you should act or what you should do with your precious life. You need never bow down before any other person. We are all equal and divine in nature. Part of our divinity means we show respect and compassion for all of our fellow humans, for each and every single being, right down to the drug addict on the corner all the way to the Queen of England. We show respect and compassion because it is right to do so, because respect and compassion lift others and ourselves. This generousness of heart settles the torment in our lives because living in this society is no easy ride on a merry-go-round. It’s more like the Yukon Striker roller coaster in Canada’s Wonderland, with its 360 degree flip, four inversions, and 75 meter drop which descends into an underground tunnel surrounded by water. I dare say those clambering to get on the Yukon Striker don’t need a pep talk through life challenges.

So, my friend, it’s a New Year. Take a deep breathe… and now get excited. What do you want to do that you have always put off doing due to fear or inconvenience? Guess what? Today is the day! There is no better mantra for this year. A little stress and angst is worth feeling alive; thorns can cut and tear our flesh but they offer us the rose. Engage, dear heart. Risk. Smile. Cry. Live. Variety is the glitter of our world. Put a hand on your heart, feel your life force. Remind yourself what a miracle you are. Become aware of the rising energy beneath your palm; swirling dreams by the thousands waiting to be realized. Bring your passions to the table and shine.

What is the greatest gift you could ever give yourself? Self-empowerment. This is the year that you take control of your destiny. There are no more excuses. So go ahead, you one of a kind miracle, show yourself what you can do.

Shaping Our World

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“We have to create culture, don’t watch TV, don’t read magazines, don’t even listen to NPR. Create your own roadshow. The nexus of space and time where you are now is the most immediate sector of your Universe, and if you are worrying about Michael Jackson or Bill Clinton or somebody else, then you are disempowered, you’re giving it all away to icons which are maintained by an electronic media so that you want to dress like X or have lips like Y. This is shit-brained, this kind of thinking. That is all cultural diversion. What is real is you and your friends and your associations, your highs, your orgasms, your hopes, your plans, your fears. And we are told ‘no’, we’re unimportant, we’re peripheral. “Get a degree, get a job, get a this, get a that.” And then you’re a player, yet you don’t even want to play in that game. You want to reclaim your mind and get it out of the hands of the cultural engineers who want to turn you into a half-baked moron consuming all this trash that’s being manufactured out of the bones of a dying world.” — Terence McKenna

Here’s a question for you and it’s probably the most important question you could ask yourself…  What is your reality at the moment? Seriously. Pause and consider, are you absolutely certain that you are determining your own thoughts and perceptions? The answer might be eye-opening, but if not, then simply go back to your life-sucking, mind-numbing television show or all consuming social media frenzy. Sorry if that hits a nervy spot, but really, how much have you learned from your own personal inquiry lately? Now, consider, how much time you give to social media, television, and the internet. How do you know that what you’re listening to is actually true? Do you simply take the government and corporation sponsored programming at their word? Or do you invest the time to look at scientific data, published papers and listen to a variety of professional and personal accounts on a topic before forming an opinion? If you are only listening to one source it’s no better than hearing the gossip on the corner and spreading it around as Gods truth.

Let’s face it, if nothing else, life experience teaches us that nothing stays the same. And unfortunately for us, change causes us to feel off balance and uncomfortable; like a clown at a funeral. That instability can easily be used to make us feel vulnerable, and in those circumstances most will leap into the first clothes closet of safety.

These days, if you are listening to the media you hear each and every day that we are all at a great risk of dying. (So weird, I thought we were always at a risk of dying) But now we are told daily how we need to be separated by a block of six feet of empty air, a mask, hide in our homes and plug our ears against certain types of information to stay safe.

I’m just wondering? Are your spider senses going off yet? How much discomfort are you feeling in your guts because I’m sure by now that you must know something duplicitous is amiss? Are you quelling the jitters in your tummy with extra packs of peppermint tums? It’s not your fault you know, humans are creatures of comfort, we often disregard our early warning systems because it’s much easier to believe what is presented to us than to believe there might be malicious intent lurking under all the carefully crafted story lines.

Don’t you find it odd for a free country to suddenly begin silencing reputable doctors and scientists, and to begin name calling and bashing citizens, singling them out because they have a different belief than the proper narrative. What type of government enforces censorship and encourages the masking of free speech? I will not insult your intelligence by telling you. I’m quite sure you know. Coincidently, if you don’t look under the bed for the boogeyman before you go to sleep at and he is actually there you will be defenceless. Oops, you didn’t look. And now because of your unwillingness to look, he will suck the marrow from your bones.

As Terrence McKenna implied at the beginning of my blog, many events have been guided into a certain way of group think using mind manipulation. I for one am saddened by the depth of deception. I love community. I love people. I love their unique and diverse individual expressions of living. I love humanity. I love the artists, the accountants, the musicians, the professors, the bakers, the barbers and even the lawyers. I could go on and on, for each person has carved out a life for themselves and their personality and contributions have been woven into the fabric of humanity. We are all so damn special. Collective mind think is not freedom and it’s not special.

Step back. Breathe. Consider. What if everything you were told was wrong? I’m not saying it is, but what if it was? The first strategy of an authoritarian government is to divide the people and implement censorship under the guise of something else. It’s all been written before; it’s in the history books. Read some personal historical accounts from those times. The citizens never realized what was happening— they trusted the authorities. They happily listened to all the propaganda and took part in terrible things. Ask yourself, who has brought more death and destruction to countries throughout history? The people or their governments? Cap your opinions for the length of this video and listen to this little known information.

Please ask yourself, who do you think really makes the decisions for our country? Are they virtuous well-meaning politicians free of ties to corporations and other influences? Are our governments really keeping us safe? Who benefits the most from their decisions? Who has made a mountain of money these last two years? Do you understand that safe is a code word for restricted, controlled and limited. Come on. I dare you. Show some grit and look under the bed.

Offering You a Smile

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A smile is a gift. It is a welcoming recognition of another person’s spirit and serves to connect with others in a meaningful way. On, April 12, 2019, a team of psychologists from the University of Tennessee found that smiling can make people feel happier. They combined data from 138 studies testing more than 11,000 participants and found that facial expressions have an impact on our feelings. This rings true for me. I certainly feel happier and more synergistically inclined when anyone, be it a stranger, or a friend, flashes me an honest smile.

Smiles are impossible to find these days, in the streets or in the stores, and while we may feel a temporary jump of joy at buying such things as; soap in the shape of a big toe, or a pair of it’s okay to fart socks, or a Maserati sports car, eventually the glee of owning something new fades away leaving only emptiness in your heart. Truthfully, the only substance in our lives is created by maintaining and forming new connections with other human beings. Joy is better times two. We are without a doubt happier, healthier and stronger with regular human interaction.

Harvard Health Publishing, printed an article; The Health Benefits of Strong Relationships, declaring that, ‘Good connections and social support can improve health and increase longevity.‘ And it went on to state: ‘For many of us, the holidays mean family gatherings, getting together with friends, and participating in special religious, community, and workplace activities. Such occasions are an opportunity to check in with each other, exchange ideas, and perhaps lend some social support to each other.

Social connections like these not only give us pleasure, they also influence our long-term health in ways every bit as powerful as adequate sleep, a good diet, and not smoking. Dozens of studies have shown that people who have social support from family, friends, and their community are happier, have fewer health problems, and live longer.

Conversely, a relative lack of social ties is associated with depression and later-life cognitive decline, as well as with increased mortality. One study, which examined data from more than 309,000 people, found that lack of strong relationships increased the risk of premature death from all causes by 50% — an effect on mortality risk roughly comparable to smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day, and greater than obesity and physical inactivity.’

We all know at our very core just how important human touch is for our health and welfare. It is the weakest among us who need people around them the most. The miraculous healing benefits of a loving touch has been seen time and time again in hospitals and care centres, and was clearly demonstrated in the CNN story on YouTube called, The hug that helped change medicine. Doesn’t everyone deserve a hug from someone who loves them? It is time to reevaluate the data on asymptomatic spread. There is more and more information coming out which proves people without symptoms pose no threat. We must use our good sense instead of our fears. There is always a tipping point when good intentions fail. Have we gone over?

“Sometimes I feel so— I don’t know—lonely. The kind of helpless feeling when everything you’re used to has been ripped away. Like there’s no more gravity, and I’m left to drift in outer space with no idea where I’m going.”

-Haruki Murakami

Your Future Is Happening Now

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Do you consider yourself an empowered individual? According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, to be empowered means having the knowledge, confidence, means, or ability to do things or make decisions for oneself. Did you know that when a person feels empowered fear is minimized and self-assurance increases? Have you felt empowered lately? Or do you feel like you have been intimidated into actions you don’t completely believe are necessary?

So, here’s a thought, answer honestly, if the media and government simply said nothing about the virus for two weeks, would you even know there was a virus? Why is it you can sit on a plane and rub shoulders with a masked person but a small business can’t open up even with a limited capacity? This crisis has conveniently been a windfall for the big corporations, such as Costco, Walmart and Amazon, but it hasn’t empowered small business people in the least. And for those that don’t know, small business is the heartbeat of Canada.

Here’s a fun fact, according to britannica.com, ‘Dictatorship is a form of government in which one person or a group of persons possesses absolute power without effective constitutional limitations. The term dictatorship comes from the Latin title dictator, which in the Roman Republic designated a temporary magistrate who was granted extraordinary powers in order to deal with state crisis. Dictators usually resort to force or fraud to gain despotic political power, which they maintain through the use of intimidation, terror, and the suppression of basic civil liberties.’

Does any of that sound familiar? Be honest with yourself. Wanting to feel safe and living in denial of government overreach is exactly what the German people did under Hitler’s reign. And maybe you think I’m being ridiculous and dramatic, but didn’t Hitler blame the Jewish people for all the German peoples difficulties? It is a tactic of a divisive government to select certain groups and name them villains. In Canada, our leaders call anyone who questions their response to the health crisis anti-vaxers, extreme right-wingers and covid deniers, please note, name calling is the approach of bullies. In addition to labeling protesters villains, this government also blackballs or expels from caucus, politicians who question the political and mainstream narrative. Do you know of any Fascist state or Communist country that allows free speech? Sanctioned propaganda is the only true source of information in countries like those, and funnily enough, our own government is attempting to limit free speech here under the guise of misinformation, of course. Curious.

So I suppose if the government wins their bid to limit free speech I will no longer be able to share information such as the horrific costs of lockdowns or the Corman-Drosten Review Report outlining the failures of the PCR tests. Or the impassioned plea by Dr. Pierre Kory, a well respected respiratory doctor, as he gave heartfelt testimony at the United States senate on a drug which produced fantastic results in preventing and treating the virus.

2020 has been a trial. In my own life, my dear step-mom passed away, from cancer, and due to the virus I wasn’t allowed to be with her much. Covid restrictions. And then one of my friends died last year too, she took her own life. In actuality, I don’t personally know of anyone who died from covid… there was my dog-groomers neighbour, who tragically died in a car accident but perhaps the virus was driving because that was listed as the cause of death on the death certificate. I’ve heard similar stories. Did you die of covid or with covid? The correct answer is always the virus if the person tested positive according to health officials. And have you read the link to the Corman-Drosten Review Report on the failings of the PCR tests?

Well, this is it for me, no more blogs trying to get people to flip the coin over and examine the other side, I only have one more question, and it’s important… Is your life today fabricated with fear or elevated through empowerment? Sadly, I’ve typically lived most of my life as a Chicken Little kind of person, and I’ll admit, earlier last year I was running around squawking, “The sky is falling, the sky is falling!” But then when May rolled around and I hadn’t been squished, I did some digging. It wasn’t easy. I had to leave the beaten path in order to find the kernels of truth. Now that I have, I stand and admire our fantastical sky completely unafraid and I plan for a better future. What will you do?

In order to own the light within, we must be willing to explore the shadow.

  • Panache Desai

Hidden From View

/ debbyproulx / Leave a comment

I plan to scare you.

The peaty odour of earth invades my nostrils as I kneel on the uneven mound of potatoes. My heart rams out a solid beat inside my chest. I wait. Alert to any sign of life. I am hiding in the potato bin; a three-foot square space in the basement tucked underneath the landing for the staircase. Rough milled boards frame the cramped bin and a faded split curtain hangs down to cover the darkened hole, the storage space was half empty creating the perfect hideout.

The uncomfortable hardness of irregular potatoes under my legs causes me to shift my position and I carefully adjust the curtains slightly so I can see better yet I am still hidden. Our bare bones basement displays deep dark shadows beyond my hidey-hole; the furnace sprouting multiple arms of tin, huddled next to the hot water tank; hulking blobs of darkness. Extension cords dangled unevenly from the floor joist ceiling,; empty nooses in the dim light. Silence urges me to lean out between the drooping drapes to seek out a sound. Water trickles down inside a drain pipe from the upstairs bathroom. She would be coming soon. A tiny spider web swings down from the edge of the top stair and I try not to think about how many spiders are in the dark space with me now.

Footfalls pound above my head on the landing and I jerk back the curtains falling back to cover my face. An evil grin emerges. My sister is coming. She shared a downstairs bedroom with me, the only finished room at the farthest corner of this space. The tread on the lower step squeaks. Sucking in a giggle of anticipation my muscles tense in preparation, the soft pattering of socked feet nearing my hiding place. I explode through the curtains toward her like a feral Jack-in-the-box and scream, “Blahhh!”

She shrieks stumbling back, eyes wide, whites showing brightly against her raven hair which flies across her face. The terror I witness in that split-second fills me up and I burst out into pure laughter. Yes, I’m a rotten human being.

She may have smacked me once or twice but it was a mere pittance of a punishment for what I had received from her. And you might think, ‘well, that’s a pretty normal thing to do as a child,’ and I would agree. But truth be told, I didn’t do it just once, as a matter of fact, I constantly searched for the opportunity to frighten not only my older sister, but most of my family and many others, by jumping out at unexpected times, or hiding under beds to grab feet, or by pretending I had been possessed by an evil spirit to terrorize my younger sister. It was very nearly a diabolical obsession, and I’ve only recently come to understand that there was something much deeper than simply experiencing the fun of scaring people that compelled me. It was the incredibly satisfying feeling of having complete power and control over another person, even if it was only a fleeting moment or two. In those few seconds those people were mine.

Now, in my defence, I was raised in the days when children were to be seen and not heard, children were not allowed to display too much anger or too much sorrow, and most importantly children were not allowed to disagree. Looking back on my childhood, I understand my excessive Jack-in-the-box behaviour was my attempt to gain some manner of control over my life through fear. And on that note, you should know, I rarely try to scare people these days, especially the elderly. And yet, in an effort to maintain full disclosure, I do confess to enlisting my husbands help in tethering a life-sized fake skeleton to the bottom rungs of our neighbours dock, so that when they brought it up to shore for the winter they had a little scare.

Fear, you see, is a powerful mechanism to gain control. I kept scaring people because it gave me a sense of power. Today, I see main stream media and government playing the Jack-in-the box game. Cases, cases, cases; run and hide. Case numbers are not deaths, and according to Canadian Statistics there were no more deaths in 2020 than any other year, and our hospitals have always been challenged during the winter season. Now ask yourself this— if the people in control truly had your best interests at heart would they be promoting fear or calming reassurance? What do you think your response would be if they said, “Stay calm my dear Canadians, lets look at the facts— actual government data.” https://www.jccf.ca/government-data-shows-lockdowns-more-deadly-than-covid-19/

I see you

/ debbyproulx / Leave a comment

September 2009 to March 2010-7

The expression, may you live in interesting times, seems to be the theme of 2020. According to Wikipedia the expression is an English translation of a traditional Chinese curse. While we might consider peaceful and predictable times uninteresting, they are also free from harmful events. Interesting times implies a degree of uncertainty, and at its worst danger. These days many of us find ourselves questioning our ability to hold our lives together while the ground beneath our feet feels unreliable. So, although I am not a religious person, I do follow a spiritual path and I often pray these days. I pray for an end to the uncertainty,  I pray  for a way to heal the division between peoples hearts and minds, and I pray for a way to make a difference. It is then, in the hollowest of moments, that I contemplate,  “But who am I, but one to make a difference?” And then I look out into the crowd of many, and I see you— your vacant eyes and slumped shoulders burdened by the weight of our worlds affairs. My eyes mirror the weariness in you and the chronic state of collapsed joy.

My point is, just in case you missed the enormous needle bearing down on you, is that it’s easy to be led astray by the events we are experiencing today which make us feel incapacitated and caught. I know I often find myself descending into an emotional pit,  which either delves into the darkness of anger where I soon find myself throwing F-bombs like Rambo throws grenades, or I fall into a frozen state of fear bracing for some sort of cataclysmic conclusion, only able to breath in the barest of whispers. In either situation, I am suddenly as powerless and as ineffectual as a streetlight with its bulb blown out. At times I feel less than one and yet I still wish to help.

It is then, in the darkness of my thoughts that I ask again, “Who am I but one to make a difference?” After waiting a few minutes, I admit to feeling slightly disappointed in the Universe,  a little alien zipping down from the sky to share its bit of knowledge would have been nice, or at least the half expected booming Godly voice with an explanation to my query. But no— silence was the answer. Not one to give up so easily, I make myself comfortable, by listening to inspirational binaural beats and meditating. Eventually an answer formed in my mind, “One of anything is a whole. It is not a fraction or a half hearted effort, one is a complete structure within itself. One has the capability of becoming more.” And although that answer felt satisfying to me, I searched further yet, and came across Britannica.com stating, ‘At the most basic of religious thoughts, the most perfect number was one, for by advancing from zero to one, men believed they proceeded from non-existence to existence. Moreover, all other whole numbers were regarded multiples of one, representative of the Creator.’ From that, a simple conclusion sprang into my mind, we are one of many, and at the same time simply one. Therefore, we all represent the ability to connect, to collaborate and to bring about the change we wish to see. One is the beginning, do what you can where you stand. Shine bright.

You Are So Powerful

/ debbyproulx / 10 Comments

photo of person holding brown teddy bear

Photo by Susanne Jutzeler on Pexels.com

Hello, you can’t see my face, but if you did you would see that I am offering you the most caring and warm-hearted smile. It’s been a tough year. People are naturally more lonely when they are separated from loved ones. The separation causes a weakening of the spirit, which is why solitary confinement is used as a form of punishment in the prison system. But, I digress, the fact of the matter is, that people have lost their sense of power, and that is no laughing matter. When peoples independence is gone and others are making major decisions for them they eventually become more child-like, more receptive to taking orders without asking questions.

I am here to remind you today, that you are far more than a mindless teddy bear that can be dragged around this way or that, for you are a powerful person. Did you know that Quantum Physics has proven without a doubt that everything is made up of energy? It’s a fact. Everything we see, taste or touch is actually energy which is vibrating at different frequencies in complex series. The very ground we stand on only appears solid, but in fact, is not. And as Nikola Tesla, an acclaimed inventor, electrical engineer, mechanical engineer and futurist, once said, “If you want to understand the Universe, think of energy, frequency, and vibration.” But, please, don’t take my word for it, or even Nikola Tesla’s,  do your own research and look into the discoveries of Quantum Physics. Put on a hat though, because it will blow your hair back!

As energetic beings, we have the capability of influencing each other through our emotions, because even our emotions are energetic frequencies. Did you know that quite often we unwittingly mirror the emotions of others? Think of the impatient driver who slams on his horn because you didn’t jet forward on the green light fast enough to get out of his way— your initial response to his blaring is probably hostile. But what if it wasn’t your own hostility you were feeling? What if it was the other drivers? Most of us interact with other people completely unaware that there is a much deeper level of energetic interaction happening during every exchange we have. Often it goes unnoticed because we are bogged down by our learned perceptions of the physical world. Many of us live our entire lives without understanding the incredible link between the physical and nonphysical aspects of ourselves, and yet, if we know what we are looking for there are many examples of energetic connection. For instance, have you ever thought of a friend you haven’t talked to in months and then out of the blue that same day they call? That is no coincidence. Consider the idea that your thoughts are simply energy transmitted the same way radio waves operate, you broadcast a thought to your friend and then they subconsciously receive your energetic message which inspires them to call. Amazing right?

The advantage to becoming aware that we are energy at our essence instead of simply physical creatures is that we can begin to affect our lives in an intentional way by focusing our thoughts (energetic frequencies). You can improve your relationships and career by concentrating on what you want to bring into your life instead of what you do not want. By intentionally bringing high vibrational emotions to the surface like joy, hope, awe, forgiveness, amusement and love, you will change the shape of your day and eventually your whole life. On the other hand, if you get caught up in the heavier lower frequency emotions such as sadness, loneliness, jealousy, self-criticism, anger and fear, you will soon find yourself drained and depressed.

Sadly, the biggest mistake we make these days is starting out our morning with a dismal dose of news, which uses alarming headlines and awful stories to jumpstart people into an early morning state of fear. It’s no wonder we have become a society paralyzed into a permanent state of apathy. We are terrified of our own shadows and when we live in fear we cannot love, cannot connect with others. But it’s not too late to recognize we are all part of something bigger than ourselves, that we exist within an invisible energy field all around us and everything on earth is linked within this system.  We need connection to function at an optimal level. It’s time to believe we are so much more than what we were taught and we do have the power to lift ourselves up and then aid in lifting others too.

So, turn off the news and bathe every morning in a bath of warmth and bright emotions. And whether you agree with anything I have rambled on about or not, I hope we can agree to keep our hearts lifted and not fall into despair. Change for the better simply requires us to place our attention on what we want instead of what we don’t want. May your inner light lead you into a brighter future.

At a Loss

/ debbyproulx / Leave a comment

Imagine, you are walking along the sidewalk and you suddenly see a young child run out into the street after a bouncing ball, then a vehicle suddenly turns down the street and is speeding towards the child who is completely unaware of the danger. You instantly halt in your footsteps as panic grabs your guts and nausea rises. You frantically glance around for a parent but no one is claiming the wayward child. Fear chokes you as you dash toward the boy racing against the distracted driver as he rockets down the street. It’s going to be close. You open your mouth to scream a warning and at the same time the driver sees the child and the car comes to a screeching halt. Relief floods your body leaving you weak in the knees and you practically cry and laugh with relief. The child, quite unharmed and is oblivious to his near miss, he simply looks up at you while he grips the ball between his two chubby hands. His mother suddenly appears on the sidewalk and he dismisses you like a smelly piece of cheese and dashes straight into the safety of her arms. It’s a good ending. I like stories that end well. I really would like our countries story to end well, but I admit I am afraid.

I’m afraid because everywhere I look all I see is naive people that are completely unaware that many countries around the world are now in the path of a speeding car; it is a well-built vehicle, years in the making with incredible power and a massive cow-catcher bumper meant to cause as much chaos as possible because this monolithic entity doesn’t intend on stopping for any innocent soul. And now, here I am, I am at a loss, at a loss because I feel the danger coming and I don’t know if my voice will be heard. So, I beg for your indulgence in these writings, please hear me out.

When Covid first appeared earlier this year, my husband and I were completely on board with the medical advice and followed all the suggested protocols. We bought into the pandemic hook line and sinker, but as the months wore on we began to have questions, it was strange that nobody we knew had this new pandemic, or had been seriously ill from it, or had died from it. It was odd, and it was then that we began to question the official narrative. Now, wait, please wait, I feel you drawing away and saying, “Oh, it’s one of those covid sceptics.” But that’s not true, I do believe it is a real virus and the elderly need to be protected. However there is a bigger picture that people need to understand, did you know that because of the lockdowns this year Oxfam has announced that up to 128 million people will starve. The food shortages are due to the lockdowns. Can you imagine?That is many more than the virus killed.

I know that my fellow Canadians are warmhearted giving people who are considerate and kind. We are always willing to help, willing to be accommodating, we don’t want to be responsible for hurting anyone else. I commend our culture for their humanitarianism. It is important to protect the vulnerable and it is important to keep our families safe too. But are you 100% sure blind obedience to the mainstream media and our government is the way to go? Please stay with me a little longer and continue reading, I swear to you I am writing this for the love of your family and mine too.

Did you know that if you want a lie to become the truth, all you have to do is to say it again and again and again? This is called the illusory truth effect, or the reiteration effect, which means the more we hear something the more we think it is true, and it is even more effective if people are fatigued or troubled. Now, here is another tough question, do you trust the government? My point here is that our Canadian government has taken on the task of funding our mainstream media to the tune of millions. And believe it when I tell you, the mainstream media are ravenous because the online magazines and podcasts keep stealing their grub. Do you think a hungry beast will bite the hand that feeds it?

So like I said, I am questioning the integrity of the covid narrative and I’m not the only one, currently there are 34,859 medical practitioners, 12,048 medical and public health scientists and 632,918 concerned citizens who have signed a document called the Great Barrington Declaration. Their protestation states: “As infectious disease epidemiologists and public health scientists we have grave concerns about the damaging physical and mental health impacts of the prevailing COVID-19 policies, and recommend an approach we call Focused Protection. 

Coming from both the left and right, and around the world, we have devoted our careers to protecting people. Current lockdown policies are producing devastating effects on short and long-term public health. The results (to name a few) include lower childhood vaccination rates, worsening cardiovascular disease outcomes, fewer cancer screenings and deteriorating mental health – leading to greater excess mortality in years to come, with the working class and younger members of society carrying the heaviest burden. Keeping students out of school is a grave injustice. 

Keeping these measures in place until a vaccine is available will cause irreparable damage, with the underprivileged disproportionately harmed.

Fortunately, our understanding of the virus is growing. We know that vulnerability to death from COVID-19 is more than a thousand-fold higher in the old and infirm than the young. Indeed, for children, COVID-19 is less dangerous than many other harms, including influenza. 

As immunity builds in the population, the risk of infection to all – including the vulnerable – falls. We know that all populations will eventually reach herd immunity – i.e.  the point at which the rate of new infections is stable – and that this can be assisted by (but is not dependent upon) a vaccine. Our goal should therefore be to minimize mortality and social harm until we reach herd immunity. “

There is also a paper on the covid pandemic written by Dr. John Loannidis a well respected epidemiologist, who is currently employed by Stanford University as a Professor in the department of medicine. His paper has been peer-reviewed and accepted, and the World Health Organization has posted it to their website as an online bulletin. On page ten of this document, Dr. Loannidis concluded, “Based on the currently available data, one may project that over half a billion people have been infected as of 12 September, 2020, far more than the approximately 29 million documented laboratory-confirmed cases. Most locations probably have an infection fatality rate less than 0.20% and with appropriate, precise non-pharmacological measures that selectively try to protect high-risk vulnerable populations and settings, the infection fatality rate may be brought even lower.” The World Health Organization estimates a typical year for the flu will result in 0.10% fatality rate. Interesting. So why are we locking down?

The main stream media isn’t reporting on any of these facts. Why? It’s simple, it is not in the government’s best interest. Please believe me when I say, there is something going on and it’s called Agenda 2030, but don’t believe me, hear it from your own Prime Minister’s mouth at the three minute mark on this Global news link. https://youtu.be/n2fp0Jeyjvw

Did you notice Prime Minister Trudeau’s enthusiasm during his presentation? I mean hey, what’s not to get excited about, as he said, “This pandemic has provided an opportunity for a reset. This is our chance to accelerate our pre-pandemic efforts to reimagine economic systems that can actually address global challenges like extreme poverty, inequality and climate change.” It sounds like a power grab to me. The covid pandemic has facilitated a clear path for the United Nations, World Economic Forum and International Monetary Fund to take their 2015 Agenda 2030 plan out of the glovebox and into the light. Oh, don’t worry about that pesky pandemic, now that all the worlds economies are in tatters the globalist organizations can Build Back better.

I’ll leave you with one more item to think about, the powerful, well-built vehicle with the massive cow-catcher bumper is coming to everyone’s street, it represents the United Nations, World Economic Forum, International Monetary Fund and Bill Gates(Vaccine king). The unknowing population with their childlike innocence is square in the path of the oncoming vehicle, the population is blindly going about their days trusting safety is a guarantee. At this point I don’t see a mysterious sidewalk saviour, but I do know I want to see a happy ending for my family and yours. All we need to do is open our eyes to see what’s coming down the road.

One last critical item, one of the key members of the United Nations is China, a country with a record of crimes against humanity, and although it is hard to believe, despite their dismal human rights record, they are high ranking in the United Nations. The chart below contains a few interesting tidbits if you care to peruse it, enough said, thank you for your time and may the creator keep you safe.