Be Warned, Be Damned


This morning I learned my inversion table could cause my death.

Should I be fearful? Perhaps my updated inversion table attire should be a hardhat, steel toe boots, and a brilliant orange safety vest with a glowing yellow x on the back.

In the future, I can envision holograms popping up as informational warnings before using allegedly dangerous items. I imagine myself stepping onto the pedals of my inversion table. A hologram in the form of a safety officer wearing a brass badge on his sky blue uniform springs to life. He holds up a hand, “Stop right there little lady. Do you realize you could drop onto your head, and break your neck if you don’t fasten your ankle straps securely?”

I bat my eyelashes at the handsome hologram, “My hero,” I simper, “Thank you Mr. Safety officer. I had no idea hanging upside down without having my feet secured could cause me harm.”

Are we for real as a society? I’m seriously questioning the evolution of the human species. Here is a short list of warnings and cautions on random items.

An iron on transfer for a t-shirt— Do not iron on while wearing the shirt. Where is your thought process to try this? Do you take it as a challenge? Hmmm my husband tells me I’m hot, it’s not a problem for me?

On a bag of peanuts — Warning: Contains peanuts, not suitable for nut and sesame allergy sufferers due to the methods used in the manufacturing of this product. I have no words.

Warning label for front load washing machines— During high-speed spins do not put any person in this washer. Is it okay on the gentle cycle? But really, if you are stuffing another person into a washing machine you’re intentions are not aligned with the safety and welfare of others.

A warning label on a warning label—Read before using, read directions, cautions, and warnings carefully. If you do not understand, or cannot read all directions, cautions and warnings. Do not use this product. The idiocy is self explanatory.

Safety rule for a drill—This product is not intended for use as a dental drill or medical appliance. We’ll be sure to let the mafia know.

Danger, do not feed or molest the alligators— Gators cannot be tamed, and feeding them can result in them mistaking a hand for a handout. The law prohibits the feeding or molesting of all alligators. I want to meet the person trying to molest an alligator.

Found on a hair dryer, Instructions for use— Do not use while sleeping. At first I thought this was a ridiculous warning. However, after researching it, apparently there is an addiction to sleeping with your hairdryer. Who knew?

A warning on matches—Caution, contents may catch fire. In a surprising turn of events the matches were the best fire starter of the day.

On a box of rat poison— Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice. It’s poison? I would surmise it’s best not to touch poison with bare hands, but there are those more reckless humans out and about, the same ones trying to molest alligators.

Are people really neglecting to connect the dots, or are companies just covering their substantial buttocks from the possibility of being sued? I think people are quite brilliant when it comes to technology, but when it comes down to survival, the warning signs are all over the place.

Are we becoming more STUPID? IQ scores are decreasing – and some experts argue it’s because humans have reached their intellectual peak
Read more:

Trial and error creates genius, experience is the best professor on the planet. I vote to remove the warning labels and let natural consequences prevail.

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