The hardest decision I ever made was walking past a bathroom when I had Montezuma’s revenge. I mean, what if the next bathroom was two blocks away? If you’re not familiar, Montezuma’s revenge, refers to a severe form of dysentery that travellers experience when they consume food or drink contaminated by bacteria or viruses they have never encountered before. The unique name, Montezuma’s revenge originates with an Aztec king, Montezuma II, who welcomed the Spaniards into his city as guests and served them food and drink, causing explosive diarrhea, and for some, death. Lucky me, I didn’t die.
Daily writing prompt
What’s the hardest decision you’ve ever had to make? Why?
Let’s face it, during the holiday season we all either wear our fat pants or wear a stretchy waistband; nobody wants to take Uncle Patric’s eye out with a button popping off at eighty miles an hour. In our family, the holiday season required plenty of food and social drinks. We traditionally included cabbage rolls and perishke with dill cream sauce for the big meal; these dishes represented the Ukrainian side of our heritage. We also had shortbreads and fruitcakes for dessert to represent our Scottish and English heritage. My mom, wearing her little apron with her large bottle of wine at her side, had been in charge for years. However, things change, and for many years now I have been the head hash slinger. I prepare all the finicky treats with as much swearing and cursing and moaning and groaning as possible. Recently, I have realized that this is merely an indication more gin and tonic is needed and represents all the alcoholics who fell out of our family tree at Christmas time, or rather into it. Cheers.
Daily writing prompt
Do you or your family make any special dishes for the holidays?
If my body did not require sleep, I am one hundred percent sure I would capture a nest of mice and measure up their teeny weeny feet to make them form-fitted Dutch-style clogs. Upon completion, I will set the nest of mice free where my husband is sleeping and wait and see how long it takes before the clog-thumping mice become more rambunctious than his snoring. Once he’s awake and I am thrown out of the house, I will commune with a local bat colony and learn echolocation, enabling me to run through the forest at night without hitting a tree. And that’s just the first night, who needs sleep?
Daily writing prompt
If you didn’t need sleep, what would you do with all the extra time?
Today, while I ponder over the difficult choice of whether I prefer the mountains or the beach, I have safety on my mind. Mountains have forever been a stellar subject for monologues about awe-inspiring beauty, and I agree they are. However, there is a beastly side to the mountain views. First off, narrow ridges and sharp cliffs provide plenty of opportunities to fall and kill oneself. Secondly, the generous nature of loose rocky slopes offer us all the opportunity to be buried free of charge. Thirdly, there are a variety of wild things in the deep, dark forests and inky crevices along the trails, perfectly safe, of course, until they are not. Yet all those little things will not frighten me off; mountains provide far more solace and opportunity for quiet musing than for death-defying walks.
Beaches, ahhh, beloved beaches— aren’t they a delightful oceanside retreat. What could possibly be the downside of such a glorious spectacle except for a tiny tsunami, which could possibly sweep us out to sea? And yet, besides daring to walk beside the largest serial killer in the world, water, we must also consider salt water, the most excellent conductor of electricity. The itty bitty lightening storm dancing in the distance might toast your tootsies too, not to mention, stop your heart. Last but not least, who doesn’t love strolling along the beach picking up seashells? Beware, my fellow crustacean lovers; there might be a poisonous snail living inside that cone shell. This small creature has 30 confirmed kills. But don’t let this stop you from enjoying your favourite sandy haunt; the odds of anything happening are slim.
But seriously, life’s too short to worry; just enjoy it all.
Do you trust your instincts? A difficult question to answer if you only believe in the physical aspects of our mysterious and self determining life. There was a time in my youth when I pushed aside the silent information pressed into my heart and mind. Now, however, with a solid belief in the divine, I look at my instincts as source data, insight free from impurities. What a gift we have all been granted.
It’s difficult to choose a favourite month while living in a country of distinctive seasons. In this life, which offers no guarantees, I’ve decided to love them all. Each month is chockfull with seconds, minutes and hours. A true gift of time. Consider the idea, we are actually the people of our past, it is only from this moment forward that we get to choose our future. Right now, we can decide to become a whole new person, or simply decide to become a panda fluffer. (For those who don’t know, panda’s are not easily aroused and for the sake of the panda population, it takes somebody trained in the art of using a feather duster in certain ways to get the pandas in the mood) Now, back to your future, imagine what would happen if half the people in the world decided to become panda fluffers? It wouldn’t be black and white at first, but eventually the feather dusters would have to go, because… well, to be frank, pandas actually have murder on their minds quite a lot of the time. Panda’s are bears. We must not pander to the pandas. Anyway, my point is, use your upcoming months any way you see fit. It’s your life after all, use a feather duster if you like. Whatever you decide, I hope you remember, that we are all fellow travellers on this calendar of life.
Natures ever-changing community lies outside my door, a scurry of squirrels, a murder of crows and an unkindness of ravens. (although the ravens prove to be far kinder than the squirrels who curse you out if you stray near their tree) I live in a city of trees and wild clover and grassy pastures. In the evening I am serenaded by the roving bands of coyotes under the moonlit skies and awoken at dawn by a clattering of jackdaws. My preferred place is a seat in the shade of a grand old willow tree watching the summers light dancing through the leaves.
You might find this odd, but until now, I’ve never actually considered the sort of first impression I want to make on other people. Way back in the day, as an eight year old, I hid from people who arrived on our doorstep, so, I guess my intended first impression back then was to be invisible. Funnily enough, fifty years later I am still hiding. So yes, the first impression I give to people is one of being invisible, for zero points.
Daily writing prompt
What’s the first impression you want to give people?
Writing words on paper is one of the oldest forms of communication, and yet it can evoke the most fine-tuned and complex emotions. Presently, I am reading, A Complicated Kindness, by Miriam Toews. The story is indeed a complicated tale of a young girl growing up in a mennonite community. The narrator Nomi Nickels leads us through her traumatic life with a sharp wit and the aching sense that her escape must be somewhere on the horizon.
I’m not quite finished yet. Nobody spoil it for me or I shall haunt your bookshelf when I die.
English and biology were most the most thought-provoking subjects with a side of smoking pot at recess. The devil’s lettuce proved a key element to navigating biology, especially when our biology teacher taught us how to massacre the body of frog to find a heart. English class allowed me the opportunity to compose an ode to the frogs. All valuable skills to a future frog serial killer.
Sharpenedink 