Be Warned, Be Damned


This morning I learned my inversion table could cause my death.

Should I be fearful? Perhaps my updated inversion table attire should be a hardhat, steel toe boots, and a brilliant orange safety vest with a glowing yellow x on the back.

In the future, I can envision holograms popping up as informational warnings before using allegedly dangerous items. I imagine myself stepping onto the pedals of my inversion table. A hologram in the form of a safety officer wearing a brass badge on his sky blue uniform springs to life. He holds up a hand, “Stop right there little lady. Do you realize you could drop onto your head, and break your neck if you don’t fasten your ankle straps securely?”

I bat my eyelashes at the handsome hologram, “My hero,” I simper, “Thank you Mr. Safety officer. I had no idea hanging upside down without having my feet secured could cause me harm.”

Are we for real as a society? I’m seriously questioning the evolution of the human species. Here is a short list of warnings and cautions on random items.

An iron on transfer for a t-shirt— Do not iron on while wearing the shirt. Where is your thought process to try this? Do you take it as a challenge? Hmmm my husband tells me I’m hot, it’s not a problem for me?

On a bag of peanuts — Warning: Contains peanuts, not suitable for nut and sesame allergy sufferers due to the methods used in the manufacturing of this product. I have no words.

Warning label for front load washing machines— During high-speed spins do not put any person in this washer. Is it okay on the gentle cycle? But really, if you are stuffing another person into a washing machine you’re intentions are not aligned with the safety and welfare of others.

A warning label on a warning label—Read before using, read directions, cautions, and warnings carefully. If you do not understand, or cannot read all directions, cautions and warnings. Do not use this product. The idiocy is self explanatory.

Safety rule for a drill—This product is not intended for use as a dental drill or medical appliance. We’ll be sure to let the mafia know.

Danger, do not feed or molest the alligators— Gators cannot be tamed, and feeding them can result in them mistaking a hand for a handout. The law prohibits the feeding or molesting of all alligators. I want to meet the person trying to molest an alligator.

Found on a hair dryer, Instructions for use— Do not use while sleeping. At first I thought this was a ridiculous warning. However, after researching it, apparently there is an addiction to sleeping with your hairdryer. Who knew?

A warning on matches—Caution, contents may catch fire. In a surprising turn of events the matches were the best fire starter of the day.

On a box of rat poison— Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice. It’s poison? I would surmise it’s best not to touch poison with bare hands, but there are those more reckless humans out and about, the same ones trying to molest alligators.

Are people really neglecting to connect the dots, or are companies just covering their substantial buttocks from the possibility of being sued? I think people are quite brilliant when it comes to technology, but when it comes down to survival, the warning signs are all over the place.

Are we becoming more STUPID? IQ scores are decreasing – and some experts argue it’s because humans have reached their intellectual peak
Read more:

Trial and error creates genius, experience is the best professor on the planet. I vote to remove the warning labels and let natural consequences prevail.

Wake Up


This is what I wish, for all of our planet, to be clean and pristine.

I try to be positive about life, I normally look at a pile of poop, and think, “Oh look fertilizer.” However, this poop pile is from a dog, and it’s sticky, and it’s stuck to my shoe, and I’m scrubbing my damn shoe on the grass. But the brown stuff is ground into my sneaker tread. Now I stink. My blog today, isn’t about dog poop. It’s about poop that won’t turn into fertilizer.

Why are we are walking around like mindless stinkers? We have amazing brains. The planet needs us to get our crap together. Stop buying junk! Did you see the article this morning? Scientists find 38 million pieces of trash on pacific Island. We are all contributing to plastic pollution with our brainless buying. The corporations have the people of North America right where they want them— working hard to buy the next piece of junk that won’t make them happy anyway. In case you haven’t figured it out yet, spoiler alert— Happiness is an inside job. There is nothing you can buy, that will bring you happiness, or satisfaction, for more than a day or two. Joy comes from connections with other living things, from appreciation, from music, from creating, from doing things with love and not obligation. It doesn’t come from stuff.

The cities are the corporations biggest crop. They have a captive audience to plant their seeds of need. It’s fertile ground. One person buys the latest and greatest product, and then envy takes root, and the other person must have something bigger and better. Pretty soon, you have the whole collection of happy meal toys, which eventually work their way into the dump. There they sit, doing nothing for several hundred lifetimes before they crumble away.

I realize people don’t respond to being pushed. I don’t respond to being pushed. But man o man, wake the frick up. Start supporting small companies with an ecofriendly policy, start supporting the growers with a minimized chemical program, buy local, use your beautiful minds to consider what you are actually buying before you purchase it. Consider where it ends up, when it gets broken and used up. Who are you supporting? What are you supporting?

We are the target market for big companies. We support the Billionaires whose bottle of wine cost more than our monthly mortgage payment. We have the strength to create change when we unite as numbers, because corporations look at numbers. The government will not save us. We have to save ourselves. You are responsible. I am responsible.

I have been struggling over what I can do, as an individual, to help change the world. It’s simple, and it’s hard. Stop buying junk. I was in Walmart the other day. I bought some groceries, and I bought one light summer dress. I don’t think I am ever going back. I feel guilty about the dress. I bet it will only wash ten times before it looks like I washed it one hundred. I saw a bubble making plastic lawnmower for kids. Not just one, probably a stack of fifty. I thought about my granddaughters, and how much fun they would have with that toy. I envisioned our athletic girl prancing around the lawn, making a bubble storm for her little sister to chase. I saw the cloud of rainbow bubbles glistening in the sun. Then I looked into the future, I saw the broken lump of plastic sitting in the landfill, along with hundreds of other broken plastic bubble blowers. I can make a bubble blower. I can make bubble juice.

Yes, plastic can be recycled, but not everyone does recycle.

I met a man a while back, we were discussing recycling, “Yeah,” He said with a wave of his hand, “I used to recycle everything. Then I watched a documentary on garbage and pollution.” He pauses, and tightens his face, “We are so screwed, it doesn’t matter what I do. I’m not wasting my time recycling.”

Wow! My jaw dropped, It looked like I took two too many benzos. I’ll admit, it’s not going to be easy. But let’s work at it. Don’t wave the big white I surrender flag. Change what you can— You have dominion over how you spend your hard earned money. You matter, your kids matter. What we do now is for our kids— and their kids. You can make a difference. Go team human beings! Whoot!

The dog crap smell is gone now.